Nay, It May Not Mean What You Think It Does

    Whether you're aware of it or not, up to 92% of your communication is exhibited through your body language. While you can try very hard to control it, involuntary shifts in your body language during an interaction reveal that you're having a reaction to what's being said. Being authentically curious during a conversation, facilitated by a smile -- because your physical body affects your language and your emotions and vice versa -- opens up possibilities that a ridged forehead and rigid mindset prohibit.

     Since communication is a two-way street, it's just as important to pay attention to another's body shifts, eye and other facial movements and changes in skin coloration as clues to a match, or not, between what you're trying to convey and what they're hearing.
     Here are two essentials to keep in mind as you interact:
        1) Communication (words) involve three components: Your words, the words themselves, and another's words. Given that we each have our unique understanding about what words mean, we cannot assume that the words we use carry THE universal definition and will therefore be clearly understood by everyone else. Everyone's unique experiences drive their unique definitions of words that may or not fit your or the dictionary's definitions. Shifts in another's body language as you're speaking may be a clue that there is a disconnect. Checking for understanding is essential. Just ask!
        2) Look for patterns versus isolated instances of body shifts as clues about what's really going on for the other person. As with words, we each have our unique understanding about what body language means, so we cannot assume that movements are universally made and understood. Someone placing their hands tightly over opposite elbows while you're speaking may signal a retreat because that's what you do when you don't like what's being offered or requested. But they're not you (neither the person nor their body language). Their gripping action may just as well mean that they overdid it on the golf course over the weekend, so they're trying to ease the ache in their elbows! Don't assume. Ask if you see/sense that there might be a disconnect. 

The goal in communication is to authentically connect so that 

you can each get what you want from the interaction.
That requires speaking, listening and observing.

Do you know what I mean?

Nay, What Do You Mean?!

Dana